Many arrive at Kottbusser Tor in Berlin either without documents or after their asylum has been rejected. With no legal means to earn money and their social benefits cut, they often end up surviving by selling drugs on the streets. During the processing of their asylum claims, they are housed in refugee camps known as ‘Wohnheime’. This story draws on those realities to follow one character’s journey through a system that too often leads from the Wohnheim to the pre-trial detention center at Moabit. For more of my work on this topic, please see here.
He didn’t smile. Almost never. But when he met her, he was smiling at her all the time. And this was her favorite thing about him. Every time she remembered those first days, his smile was all she could remember. The more she got to know him, the more she realised that he didn’t smile that often. No one in Kotti ever saw him smile.
He had stopped lyrica for about a year and was so proud of himself. But when his Duldung application was rejected and the benefits stopped, he couldn’t cope with the stress. He took a few pills of Rivotril just to sleep. Then he went back to Kotti to make some money.
When she first came to work for the café around the corner, he immediately noticed her. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, he thought. Soon enough, he was drinking coffee from that shop like five times a day. He would ask her about anything, just to keep the conversation going. It was the best part of his day.
She hardly remembers those first interactions. Her memory only goes as far back as when he sat next to her one day on the train, asking her where she comes from and how come she speaks Arabic. She was born in Germany, but her parents are Palestinians. She loves listening to Algerian raï and her favorite artist in Europe is Baby Gang. The more he knew, the more he loved her. They spoke so much on that train ride. She couldn’t look him straight in the eye, so she just looked out the window. The couple of times that their eyes met, her look ran away.
What she loved the most about him was the kindness behind the rough image that he has on the street and the enthusiasm and hope that he has behind his calm expressions.
The love that brought them together was like fire on gasoline. It was not the quiet love that suddenly dawns on you as you get to know the person. It was more like a strong reality that dominated his life overnight. One day, he didn’t even know her, the next day she was the most important thing in his life.
On their first date, he showed her a video of the boat ride that brought him to Europe when he was 18. The trip took 19 hours before they reached the shores of Spain. Steering the boat himself, he was smiling so much in the video and was wearing the best and most expensive jacket he found in his hometown. He wanted to reach Europe in style.
“How did you find Europe at first?” she asked.
“It was the coldest four days of my life.”
His nice jacket wasn’t enough to keep him warm from the European fall. At first he slept on the streets, that’s all she knows. Everything that came after, he tried to keep as vague as possible. He didn’t want to tell her about the meals that he ate from the garbage. Didn’t want to tell her about the shoplifting that he and other young boys planned together. He wanted her to see the best side of him.
For a few months, he almost believed he could keep it that way. Her job at the café in Kotti didn’t last for long. He didn’t want her to work there, but he didn’t do anything about it at first. Until five police officers handcuffed him right in front of the café door. They emptied his pockets. His bag.
He was never a fan of these searches. But that one time, standing there, hands cuffed behind his back, while she watched for nearly two hours, the humiliation was indescribable.
The reality of what he was doing in Kotti must have dawned on her slowly. By the time it completely sank in, she was not really sure what to do about it. She didn’t have the kind of money that would allow her to support him if he stopped, and the little money he received in social benefits stopped when his last application to extend his Duldung was rejected.
And things lasted that way between them for a little over a year, from long phone calls before falling asleep to long walks on the canal. But now when she remembers all that, it feels like a glimpse. Since he went to prison, her life has revolved around his phone calls, weekly visits, court hearings, and long conversations with family members of other prisoners.
She heard so much about how prison can break people. She heard it from the other women in the waiting room of the prison, from the lawyers, from the internet. But she believes in him.
And this belief that’s in her heart is all that he had in this world.
